My deepest and rational non-knowledge fears this depth too much
to examine it. A well of replenishing force, approximate
attempt is enough. Fully I can feel in the doing, the doing for
which I rise up, (even at its most difficult?), requires a question not only of what
but how I enter, root and satisfaction, gratefully; fullness is closer. Or
oblivion— I move toward/through the self: discipline, abnegation,
erotics of the ascetic: my body opens into response, opens to building an idea:
my capacity to demand from all knowledge an afterlife.
Raised to yes, my cravings, obedient, live outside myself. And yes,
there is a looking away, a travesty of necessity— call it something else: a fit.
In the satisfying, I have a particular feeling, male
was not available when I was trying this sensation.
Note: Language taken from Audra Lorde’s “Uses of the Erotic”
Taylor Johnson is proud of being from Washington, DC. They’ve received fellowships and scholarships from Callaloo, Cave Canem, Yaddo, and the Vermont Studio Center among others. Their work appears in, or is forthcoming from, CALLALOO, the shade journal, Vinyl Poetry, Tin House, Indiana Review, Scalawag, and elsewhere. In 2017, they received the Larry Neal Writers' Award from the DC Commission on the Arts and Humanities.